How to stop feeling self-conscious & like the way you look

There’s nothing quite like seeing yourself on camera to bring out your inner critic. It’s almost a given that you’ll shudder at the sight of yourself. Even many professional speakers don’t want to see themselves on video.

Somehow, faced with this mirror, it’s like you flip a switch into evaluation mode. You zero in on every detail and focus on every single little thing you believe is wrong with the way you look and act.

If you don’t look like the typical Instagram influencer, if you’re not conventionally attractive, putting yourself out there to gain visibility can feel really scary.

And don’t hold the illusion that people who fit your standard of beauty happily love themselves and their looks. (Maybe some of them do. I certainly hope so.)

I can’t tell you how many people have come to me whom others consider classic beauties who say that their top fear about speaking on camera is not liking how they look. It’s well-documented that many top models are equally self-critical, suffering from feelings of not being good enough and fear of losing their beauty in their twenties!

All the things you notice go on to fuel your anxiety the next time you put yourself in the spotlight. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

This shame and rejection of yourself are at odds with the part of you that wants to be a leader and share your knowledge with others. Your self-consciousness is holding you back from achieving your goals.

Look, I understand that you probably wish you looked different. Maybe you’d prefer to be thinner or younger or have a differently shaped nose. Most of us do.

But holding yourself captive to an idea of acceptability does not serve you, your, objectives, or your audience.

Just imagine if Oprah had decided that she couldn’t go on the air because her weight wasn’t where she thought it should be. What a loss that would be for the world!

And yes, it’s a loss for the world, too, if you decide you can’t step out because your appearance isn’t what you ideally would like it to be.

It’s important to note that while there are some things we can change relatively easily – your hair color and style or your clothes – other aspects of our appearance are not so easily changed, like the shape of our eyes, our nose, or our hips.

Yes, theoretically we can lose or gain weight or buff up our bodies. But for the time being, things like our facial features and our sizes are fixed.

How do you learn to love the parts of yourself that you can’t change? Share on X

How to like the way you look

So how do you develop a better relationship with the parts of yourself that you can’t change? How do you learn how to feel more attractive than you feel right now?

Here are three things to explore.

1. Reveal & heal the messages you’ve been taught

One approach you can try to stop disliking or even hating the way you look is to reveal and heal the messages you’ve been taught about how you should look.

Start by identifying the features you feel self-conscious about. How do you think they should look instead? Where did you get the idea that they should look that way? Did someone else give you this message? Did you get it from the media?

Then try tapping, also known as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or journaling, to clear these messages. Both of these approaches are powerful ways to release negative emotions and beliefs about yourself.

2. Get grateful

Another tool you can try to stop being self-conscious about your body is gratitude.

Each of us has just one body to experience life with. Just like no one else has your unique personality, no one has your physical being either. Your features are a gift from your ancestors and a part of your heritage. Try wearing them with appreciation and pride.

Instead of trying to change or fix your appearance, consider honoring the unique qualities that make you who you are.

3. Look for love

When we look at photos of our loved ones, we see all the things we love and appreciate about them. But when we look at photos of ourselves, we tend to fall into judging ourselves and only noticing all the things we dislike.

Try looking at yourself with the same loving eyes you use for the people you care about.

Think about a feature you feel overly self-conscious about. Are there any people in your life with similar features? Does it make you love them any less? If your answer is no, take note. Your teeth, hair and weight do not make you any less loveable or valuable. What we see as flaws are often irrelevant to the people who count.

Remember: your worth is not determined by your appearance, but by who you are as a person and what you bring to the world.

Learn how to like the way you look, so you can put yourself out there with confidence Share on X

It’s time to let go of your insecurities

I no longer think of beauty as something on the outside, that some people have and the rest of us don’t. I’ve come to understand that beauty is not simply how we look.

It has more to do with how we feel and how we allow our feelings to radiate out. As one student said. “Feeling beautiful for me is about acceptance so I can really appreciate and swoon over how amazing I really am.”

Start with these words of loving kindness:

May I love and appreciate what I see in the mirror (or on camera) as do those who hold me dear.
May I see myself as having my own unique beauty.
May I radiate that beauty from the inside out. 

Do you want to see yourself with eyes of love and appreciation? Check out my course Watch Yourself On Video Without Cringing.

Or, to learn more about healing being seen and heard, check out my book, Delight in the Limelight.