The Non-Judgment side of Mindfulness

My Favorite Part of Practicing Mindfulness: Leave the judgment aside

I’ve been practicing mindfulness for many years.  Don’t ask me how long.  But I will tell you this: mindfulness isn’t like riding a bicycle where you learn it and basically always have it.  It’s more of a practice where you get better but you have to practice it in order for it to be of any use. I mean, to stay in a state of awareness you have to notice what is going on around and inside you.  If you are lost in thought, you aren’t in awareness.

So one side of mindfulness is being aware of what you are doing while you are doing it.  The other side is what the psychologist Maslow termed “unconditional friendliness toward the self.  Let’s say you put a pot of soup on the stove to heat up and go into the next room.  After getting getting lost in a project you notice a funny smell.  You might say to yourself “sh*&t, you’re always doing that, what’s wrong with you?”  A more mindful approach might be,  “Whoops, let’s clean that up”.  What’s nice about the second response is that it doesn’t drain off your vital energy. You don’t have to feel bad, at least not for too long.  Certainly not after the pot is shiny again.

When my daughter was little, I made a good friend at a party whose son was the same age as my girl. Whenever there was a mishap, she would laugh and say “Oh WELL”, as in “look, I was in a hurry and spilled soup on the floor and now have even more to do.  Oh WELL!”

or

“I spent 15 minutes looking for the keys to the car and then ended up behind the garbage pick up truck.  Oh, Well”

or,

“I left too late for the airport and didn’t anticipate all this traffic and for certain, I’m not going to get on that plane this morning. Oh WELL.”

Last Friday, I needed to bring papers to the bank.  I got it all organized into a folder and stuck it in a spot reserved for things going out to the car.  In the afternoon, I had a window of time and hopped in the car.  At the bank I turned to the back seat and…. no folder.  What?  I didn’t put it into the car?  Truth be told, I had a moment of annoyance at myself, but then took a deep breath and let it out again with an “Oh well” and made a plan to return on Monday.

On Monday, I had a few other errands to bundle in to the trip to the bank.  At the bank lot I put the car in park and turned around for the folder….. What?  no folder again? You gotta be kidding! “Oh WELL”

Part of mindfulness is noticing when you aren’t showing up. The nice part of being mindful, is watching how I speak to myself, particularly after forgetfulness. I don’t have to beat myself up, accuse myself of being scattered or flaky or whatever names I might want to call myself.

No, the practice is about awareness, including being aware of when you are not aware. And truthfully, if you think about it, you are already paying the price of non-awareness with a real consequence.

It was enough payment to have gone to the bank twice for nothing. It’s enough to spend time looking for your keys or wallet.  Why make it worse by getting down on yourself?

Now my folder is in the car, ready to be taken to the bank.  Three time’s a charm.